I’ve been absent lately, neglectful of writing and missing the fourth birthday of this strange, little online memoir. How it still manages to stay with me, tagging along in the quiet, post-crisis lull of food recipes and white blood cell count lamentations, I have no clue. I am glad though, to say that we are both still here, struggling as we are to understand what story we now have to tell.
I did, however, celebrate the four full years since my last major flare up (the longest flare-free period of my lupus life) by spontaneously hopping a train to the middle of the Rocky Mountains. I went by myself; hiking, trail cycling and kayaking (for the first time), immersing myself in the aqua blue of glacier lakes and the deep stillness of backcountry woods. The trip reminded me of how integral being outdoors was during the first six months of my recovery four years ago. Everyday, I went for walks with my parents, then eventually, when I was well enough, I would go on my own. I’d been so busy training for my run, I had forgotten the merits of slowing down, the healing power of a leisurely stroll in the woods. Since I’ve been back, I’ve been doing just that with friends and on my own. It has helped me prepare for this next stage of my wellness journey: Taking a real stab at my impossible dream – being medication-free.
A month ago, my white blood cells were up from 1.4 to 2.1. Since I was at 1.4, I’ve reduced my dosage of plaquenil one day out of seven, which leads me to believe that plaquenil isn’t a major factor in keeping my white blood cell count at a safe level (not that 2.1 is a safe level, but you know what I mean). It’s too early to tell, though. I can’t ignore that I’ve been on “Constant P” for twelve years. It will take a while for the medication to take leave of my body, especially with such a small reduction. My inflammation rate in my body rose from 5 to 24, which isn’t the greatest, but my naturopath says there’s no need to be alarmed. I may have been fighting some kind of infection that day. Presently (and thankfully), the rise in inflammation hasn’t manifested as pain of any kind.
The next steps are a very slow reduction, herbal supports and blood tests every three months to monitor my progress, very much like the process we went through getting off prednisone. There are risks, of course, and I have my eyes wide open. I am ready to solve the mystery of what plaquenil is doing to help (or not help) my body, so I can better understand what it takes to make my body a chemical-free zone. All the medication experiments/purgings and life-style changes of the last four years have come to this final test. It involves a lot of commitment, supplements and lifestyle modifications that I need to stick to, all of which can be quite overwhelming at times, but I am determined to purge twelve years of pharmaceutical toxicity. As my followers know all to well, I love an epic battle. Bring it on!
And if I ever need a reprieve from the exhausting 24-hour job in the office of my own health, I will remember to take my tea break into the woods, where this is nothing to do, no risks to take, no sacrifices to make. Just trees and sun and moving forward, all at your own pace.