I wrote this unpublished post at 1:18 a.m., three weeks ago:
“As for me, all I know is that I know nothing.” -Socrates.
At times, I am asked for advice. I’m honoured, but then, equally humbled by reality. I am healthier than I’ve ever been, but the disease is ever-present. “Wellness” will always be, at least in part, illusory.
Disease comes with great responsibility. Not really the super-hero power I had in mind.
I am three weeks away from these thoughts, sweating slightly in my still zipped up winter coat, procrastinating the journey back down to the packages I’d forgotten in the trunk of my car. I don’t really remember why I chose not to post this. Perhaps I thought it was too whiny, too repetitive of things I’ve said and written before. I had been preparing for a tea date requested by a friend who was just diagnosed, not sure of how I felt, uneasy and afraid of giving bad advice. Later, I watched myself tell my story, the easy release of things once so raw, so tight, so grating, now soft and lifted up and out like the steam off our cups. Too melodramatic of a scene? I suppose so. Influenced, no doubt, by the epic novel I’ve hardly been able to put down.
It was the first time I had been in the physical presence of someone wanting to talk with me about Lupus. All the other times, it had been online and that day, my story was much more of a “history,” more than ever before. How much I helped, I don’t know, but it helped me to talk with her… even if I’m unable to describe how.
And now, back to the subject of superhero powers, my sometimes kryptonite, Evil P, has been out of my blood for a month and a half! I have a new plan with my naturopath for the Winter and am looking upward and onward to some new nutrition challenges in the New Year. I know that if I want to stay off Evil P I have to work for it. As mentioned previously, “Face Forward’s Raw Food Challenge” is on deck as well as the start of half-marathon training for a race in June. The goal is to finish, even if the half-marathon turns into a half-walk-a-thon! Other food experimentations have been ongoing, but the busy Fall months at work prevented me from posting about yummy successes like no-bake oat bars and peanut chicken. More “Cooking with the Wolf” adventures to come, I promise! And yes, it’s true, my disease means great responsibility to this previously abused and ignored body of mine. Time to nourish it and let it shine!