On September 14th, 2011, “Face Forward” turned 2. I realize it only now as I sit down to write a Thanksgiving Weekend post. To my right, unsalted pumpkin seeds lay scattered at the bottom of a small, ceramic ramekin, my detox-friendly substitute for pumpkin pie. Ginger tea cools in my “E” mug as it spins in the groove of my palm. It reads: “If your name begins with an E, you are lucky.”
And yes, I am lucky, so fortunate to have documented the important lessons of the last two years. Today, after so much time feeling regretful and conflicted, I am grateful for the unintentional, chaotic beginning of this blog. I write now because I want to tell my story, because telling it makes me feel like an active participant in my life. It has been a constant companion. Looking back, I don’t know what I would have done without it and even now, so far removed from that dark and difficult time, I am still compelled to write.
During my mania, I spoke of having to hold back the surge of stories and ideas churning in my body, desperate to come out, to be written, to be shared with the world. I wrote seamlessly, beautifully. I haven’t been able to write that way since. During that time, one of my keepers shared a Nietzsche quote with me: “You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.” It seems that the stories and the fearlessness disappeared with the lupus cerebritis and the 60 mg of prednisone. I haven’t yet had the courage to test the theory. There used to be a flare-free time when I wrote about more than just my own life. I know that the creation and continuance of my blog opens the door to that. I just have to make the decision to step through… but, I digress.
Happy belated 2nd birthday, my dear blog, and thank you to my readers who travel with me in this strange internet Universe. Cheers, my friends, to yet another year of facing forward.