I am in search of my simple answer. This is what I know: It’s not in pamphlets, books, websites, case studies or articles about Lupus by people who don’t have it. It’s important knowledge, yes, but that’s only part of the answer. I’m done asking why I have this disease. I get it. I’m supposed to have it. It’s part of my story. I’m done with thinking about all the things I can’t do because I have Lupus. My understanding of that is deeper than it has ever been. Last Winter, I gave up the full-time working life I had always known. The identity I had created for myself suddenly didn’t hold up anymore. Everything was stripped away. As I said in my last post:
I was a clean slate.
So, I’m going to draw on it. I’m going to paint on it. I’m going to write on it. I’m going to dance on it. I’m going to cook on it. No big expectations, no high stakes. I’m just going to do it because Lupus has gifted me the time to do it. It’s time to focus on the things I CAN do because of this disease. Simple. Some degree of wellness must come out of that, right?
Drawing/Painting – I am in the midst of a drawing/watercolour class. My goal with this project is do a small series of drawings or paintings on expressions of my emotions/experiences with Lupus and post them here.
Dance – I am taking a 10-month introductory jazz class. My body is the most pain-free it has ever been, so I’m going see this class though to it’s mortifying conclusion – a performance at the dance studio’s end-of-year recital. I will also make it worse for myself by inviting some of my keepers to see it.
Writing – I want to continue to blog more regularly about my Lupus Life, but to also balance that out by focusing on writing something that isn’t “my story.” Details to follow…
Cooking – The first phase of this project is to approach my keepers to teach me their favourite recipe. We would grocery shop together, cook together and eat together. The second phase is to invite my keepers over for meals that I cooked myself.
I know many people would say I would do better by becoming a vegetarian or focusing on more logical tasks like not staying up so late or taking my pills on time, which I am terrible at. I am, by the way, trying to do better at the latter and perhaps one day I will try a vegetarian diet (I’ve always wanted to), but I figure my right brain deserves a stab at this whole “finding life in lupus” thing. I don’t know what the heck I’m doing, but my gut is telling me to do it. It’s as simple as that.