I felt sick tonight. Pain gripped the left side of my head, its heavy hand pulling me down into dizzying, nauseous fatigue. I didn’t want to eat, though my body was telling me I needed to. Napping didn’t entirely work, so I sprawled across my couch, face down, pulling at my hair in an attempt to “stretch out the pain.” I wanted to call my mom. I wanted her to kiss my forehead and make me soup while I convalesced beneath my fuzzy blanket. For a good, solid two minutes that’s all I wanted, until I looked up from my phone and shook my head in disbelief. These “mini-flare” symptoms have been part of my Lupus life for as long as I can remember. I know the drill. I know what to do.
God, being this pain-free has really wussed me out.
I put down the phone and I stepped into a hot shower, where I massaged my head and stretched out my stiff body. After additional rest, I forced myself to make something appetizing and healthy to eat and then I forced myself to eat it. I still feel a bit nauseous, but since deciding not to let my pain be my focal point, I feel much better. My fellow Lupie and lovely “sister keeper” from down South articulated this skill perfectly – “She had discovered and mastered the art of not puking.” For those of you who are curious, severe cases usually require staying still and an iron will.
I have just finished my first day at the “Lupus Day Hospital;” three days of sessions with health professionals like occupational therapists, physiotherapists and dieticians. Once I have the energy, I promise to blog about it. Also, upon the advice of a fellow blogger, I have decided to add “tags” to my postings as a way for my readers to easily find posts about topics of interest. You will see my “tag cloud” on the right. Just click on a topic and it will show you a list of relevant posts. I was only able to get through September and half of October’s postings. Tonight is not the night to finish the task.
So, with that dear friends, I leave you. I’m increasingly aware that the longer I stay on this computer, the more probable that my “puke barrier” will go to shit. Tonight’s battle is not entirely won. Time to sleep.