I have had an urge to run lately, to keep running and running and never stop. And when I am driving, I just want to keep driving. I want to be on the road. Going somewhere. I turn up the music really loud so that I can’t hear myself think. I’m pretty sick of thinking. So far, thinking has gotten me nowhere. I’ve spent enough time in my head lately. I want out.
And lately, for some reason, I want to hit something. Specifically, I want to hit a punching bag. I want to smash it over and over and over and over again until I’m this big, sweaty heap and my arms are quivering and numb. I want to be part of my body again. I want to feel like I am part of my body again. I also just want to hit something.
I am writing this here so that I can ensure that I DO something. I do a lot of talking. I do a lot of musing and thoughtful reflection. That’s nice, but that’s enough. I need to help my body. I need to step back into it. I need to get moving. I also need some distraction from my thoughts. I am so sick of me. The face on the punching bag would be mine.
Tomorrow I start running. Slow and gentle to start, but I will START. I’ve done it with this body before. I know I can do it. I know I enjoy it. There. I said it. Tomorrow. It’s out here in the internet universe. If I don’t do it then I’m (bull) shit.
Let’s see what I’m made of.