Starting Line

I have had an urge to run lately, to keep running and running and never stop.  And when I am driving, I just want to keep driving.  I want to be on the road.  Going somewhere.  I turn up the music really loud so that I can’t hear myself think.  I’m pretty sick of thinking.  So far, thinking has gotten me nowhere.  I’ve spent enough time in my head lately.  I want out.

And lately, for some reason, I want to hit something.  Specifically, I want to hit a punching bag.  I want to smash it  over and over and over and over again until I’m this big, sweaty heap and my arms are quivering and numb.  I want to be part of my body again.  I want to feel like I am part of my body again.  I also just want to hit something.

I am writing this here so that I can ensure that I DO something.  I do a lot of talking.  I do a lot of musing and thoughtful reflection.  That’s nice, but that’s enough.  I need to help my body.  I need to step back into it.  I need to get moving.   I also need some distraction from my thoughts.  I am so sick of me.  The face on the punching bag would be mine.

Tomorrow I start running.  Slow and gentle to start, but I will START.  I’ve done it with this body before.  I know I can do it.  I know I enjoy it.  There.  I said it.  Tomorrow.  It’s out here in the internet universe.  If I don’t do it then I’m (bull) shit.

Let’s see what I’m made of.

Advertisements

One thought on “Starting Line

  1. Love you!!! I COMPLETELY understand how you feel. I even wrote to you yesterday saying I’ve been wanting to kick some ass! I hope you got a chance to run and punch something! Take up boxing!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s